OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
