literally had 100 drinks last night.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
