Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
