Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
