does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
