I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
