Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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