he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
