we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We got so high we made milksteak
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
