My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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