Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
