So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
