What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
