So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
