i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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