I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
