he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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