bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
