thus making me awesome and them whores
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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