so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
