WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
