Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Two words: blizzard sex
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
