We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
