is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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