Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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