that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
