Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
