$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
