dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
