we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
