...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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