i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I will pee on everything he values.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
