you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
