I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
