I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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