I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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