I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
