Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
