my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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