Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
