the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
