Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
