Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
