Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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