Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
