I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
