I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize