Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You may now shotgun with the bride
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
