There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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