Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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