She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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