you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize