I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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