Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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