we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
