He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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