Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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