I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just found puke in my bra..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
