just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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