do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
They have beer where we have blood.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
