Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
