quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
