I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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