Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
