i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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