i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
