Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
