Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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