It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
