I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
